I’ve been thinking a lot recently about change and perception and personal growth.  I’ve decided that lasting change, for ME, is an incredibly slow process.  Trying to push too quickly makes me stop in my tracks or, even worse, rebound backwards into comfortable and familiar territory.

I posted a 37 things to do by 37 list in January and I’ve looked at it frequently.  I’m making progress, but I’ve decided that I do not want to limit myself to just one year or give myself the anxiety that will make me stop everything.  I’m looking further down the road.  Here’s my 40 by 40, which is an updated version of my 37 by 37 with notes on my progress.

1) Stop drinking soda. — In Progress.  I’ve slowed consumption considerably.  Down from several a day to a couple each week.

2) Lose 37 pounds — DONE!  40 by 40 goal is 100 pounds!

3) Get a credited photo in a local or regional publication

4) Make $10,000 in personal income with my camera

5) Learn to make an awesome gluten free pie crust — ALL DONE!

6) Finish and sell at least one fictional work

7) Take at least 1 personal photo every day – Will keep going.  Success thus far.

8 ) Clean all of the no longer used clothing out of my closet

9) Read  37 new books — Done with only 6 months into the year.  Goal is 150 new books by 40.

10) Review at least 1 book per week — reviewing but not posting.  Must start posting!

11) Eat at least 1 new dish or ingredient per week — Going well thus far!

12) See a musical on stage

13) Put an ad for the business in a local publication

14) Update the SimpleLeigh website and KEEP IT UPDATED

15) Watch Princess Bride with all 3 kids

16) Finish at least 1 quilt

17) Knit my own socks

18) Make a new friend — YAY!

19) Drive 100 miles

20) Write a new song lyric –Done.  Nobody said I had to show it to anyone.

21) Get a new Passport

22) Teach Emily how to use the camera

23) Blog at least 3 times per week

24) Visit a city I’ve never seen before

25) Write a dozen letters and MAIL THEM — All done!

26) Frame and hang portraits of each child

27) Take Nate to the park to ride his bicycle

28) Buy a new backdrop with money I’ve earned

29) Make gluten free Cheez-its

30) Go to bed before midnight at least 3 nights per week — Going great so far. Sleep is GOOD!

31) Laugh at least once a day

32) Say Thank You at least once a day — Yes.

33) Call someone I don’t see often at least once a week

34) Write Thank You notes for every gift I’m given this year

35) Learn to play Sudoku

36) Get a cool haircut and color

37) Say YES to something scary instead of running away

38) Move to Florida

39) Travel with Friends

40) Sing and Dance with People I love

I’m participating in a 30 Day Photography Challenge in January, and the first day’s theme was Favorite Food.  I’m a little obsessed with a hot cup of Chai Latte .  I need a warm, comforting ~something~ to hold on to during the darker parts of the year.  Chai tastes like liquid home to me…whatever THAT means.  More than the chai at the moment, though, I’m having a ton of fun with the little gingerbread flavored marshmallow men.

I make them sit on the edge of my mug, and then I toss them into the boiling liquid one at a time.  Today I used my new Disappearing Tardis mug (thanks, Pat and Gretchen) and made each of my little Time Lord marshmallow men shout out a Doctor Who catchphrase as they took their dive.  We had three who squeaked, “allons-y” and one very giggly “GERONIMOOOOOOOO” at the end.  I’m easily amused, what can I say.

Technically, there’s a lot that could be improved about the photo.  The lighting’s a little muted, the crop could use a bit of work, and the colors feel muddy.  I could spend the rest of my life thinking about how many things are wrong, actually.

Instead, I’m going to stop there with the negatives and talk about how much I love the haze of steam coming out of the cup, the squinchy wrinkles on my little man, and the first-morning-light bokeh coming through the window.

Today’s photo was fun and I got it in on time.  I have a habit of getting behind on this kind of challenge, though, and giving up.  Let’s see what the future brings!

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I’ve never been the type of person who sets a personal goal and then strides toward it diligently.  I am, almost without exception, a go-with-the-flow sort of gal.  I grew up in a situation that taught me, early and well, to never assume things would work out as anticipated.  I don’t like surprises, but I also don’t like rigid schedules.

A good friend of mine recently posted the annual update to her “bucket list” of sorts on Facebook.  More than a bucket list, it’s a collection of goals she’s hoping to achieve in the space between one birthday and the next.  Her list, 36 by 36, is filled with both small personal challenges and larger, more complex, goals.  It’s inspired me to do something that I’ve never done before…make a potential -road map- for what remains of the year before I turn 37.

So, here we go, with a list of my 37 for 37:

1) Stop drinking soda.

2) Lose 37 pounds

3) Get a credited photo in a local or regional publication

4) Make $10,000 in personal income with my camera

5) Learn to make an awesome gluten free pie crust

6) Finish and sell at least one fictional work

7) Take at least 1 personal photo every day

8 ) Clean all of the no longer used clothing out of my closet

9) Read  37 new books

10) Review at least 1 book per week

11) Eat at least 1 new dish or ingredient per week

12) See a musical on stage

13) Put an ad for the business in a local publication

14) Update the SimpleLeigh website and KEEP IT UPDATED

15) Watch Princess Bride with all 3 kids

16) Finish at least 1 quilt

17) Knit my own socks

18) Make a new friend

19) Drive 100 miles

20) Write a new song lyric

21) Get a new Passport

22) Teach Emily how to use the camera

23) Blog at least 3 times per week

24) Visit a city I’ve never seen before

25) Write a dozen letters and MAIL THEM

26) Frame and hang portraits of each child

27) Take Nate to the park to ride his bicycle

28) Buy a new backdrop with money I’ve earned

29) Make gluten free Cheez-its

30) Go to bed before midnight at least 3 nights per week

31) Laugh at least once a day

32) Say Thank You at least once a day

33) Call someone I don’t see often at least once a week

34) Write Thank You notes for every gift I’m given this year

35) Learn to play Sudoku

36) Get a cool haircut and color

37) Say YES to something scary instead of running away

–It’s a big list.  Little things.  Huge things.  Middle of the road things.  I’d imagine most of you would be surprised to know which things feel like the big things…~laugh~

Anyway, it’s the first day of a new year and I’m not making resolutions so much as evaluating potential futures.  Here’s to crossing everything off the list and filling up a brand new 38 for 38 in late August.

Blogginess is undergoing a serious reorganization. Reviews are down but will return within the next week.

Curses to my broken MySql database!

I’m in love with words.  I dig them written, spoken, and implied.  I love my own and those of others, real or imaginary.  Big words and small words and even the random non-wordy emoted noise.

I used to write my own words frequently.  I was a proud journalist and potential novelist, and I pushed myself from one deadline to the next because…I WAS A WRITER, and that’s what writers do with their lives.  Somewhere in the middle of my twenties, when life got busier and my family grew bigger, I realized that I had started to resent all the time I spent curled up around my computer writing for people I didn’t know.  I began to resent the writing itself, seeing it as the hurdle to be jumped before I could play with my babies, or talk to my friends, or read all of the great books that other people were writing.

So, I quit.  I packed it all in and decided that writing professionally was not the life I wanted.  I devoted myself to home-educating my children and celebrating our thriving lives.  Parts of me felt empty and wilted, but the greater part of me was thrilled with the freedom from deadlines, both self-imposed and external.  I read books by the basketful.  Hundreds, maybe thousands, of books.  I watched good and bad television.  I played board games and computer games and tag-you’re-it games.

Our family blog grew out of a desire to be more closely connected with relatives separated from us by physical distance.  Writing about our daily lives feels like the modern equivalent to sitting on the front porch after supper with a glass of tea and a few dozen of my closest friends.

Then someone asked me via blog comment what I’d been reading lately and I sent back a 3000 word reply full of things I had adored and things that made me cringe in my chair.  That friend asked if she could send the review to someone else, and the someone else asked if I had MORE reviews.  Of course I had more books to review, so I started keeping an online journal of my opinions about various media.

Not long after I started blogging my book reviews in a semi-private livejournal, I was approached with the offer to ghostwrite again.  I accepted the offer, since the job would not require a great deal of time commitment, and found that I am ready to begin reintegrating the professional and personal parts of my life.

It’s really about balance.  I need to read and play and live to write with any sort of depth.  I need to write to feed part of me that wants my own words to be out there, concrete and eternal.

I can’t be everything at once, but I can be everything in time.  I’m a bundle of potential and contradictions, being led a merry chase by my reluctant muses.